Women like stalker from Baby Reindeer are rare: ‘Feels very unsafe’ | RTL News

Dutch Rens was also stalked by a woman for years. “She tried to get in touch in every possible way. Also by approaching people in my area to get in touch with me through them. That feels very unsafe.”

He recognizes a lot in the Baby Reindeer series, he tells Netflix Netherlands. “The most important themes in this series are trauma and damage. They naturally find each other in that. And I think that was somewhat the case with us.”

For those who haven’t seen it yet and without giving too much away: Baby Reindeer is about Richard Gadd’s experiences with stalker ‘Martha’. After their first meeting at the bar where he works, Martha becomes obsessed. She visits him constantly, sends him tens of thousands of emails and leaves 350 hours of voicemail messages.

According to stalking expert Eric Blaauw, she is a so-called delusional stalker. They are often convinced that they are in a relationship with someone. “That belief is psychiatric, it is a distorted experience of reality.” According to him, it can happen to anyone: “Losing control of reality can happen to anyone.”

Stories like those of Richard Gadd and Rens are exceptional, according to experts. Almost all perpetrators of stalking are men, says investigative psychologist Klaas Schakel. He wrote a book about stalking. “I have never recorded a report from a man about a woman who was stalking.”

There is a so-called darknumber, or a lack of notifications, he explains. “Yes, of course there are women who stalk. Are there many? Certainly. But it is not reported.” This is because, according to him, men are more often ashamed, hope that it will blow over or continue to block the stalking woman until it eventually stops.

Exceptions

According to Schakel, you can assume that the men who do go to the police will have to deal with someone who spreads lies about them or, for example, scratches a car. “But there are no figures. This makes it less easy to say how many men are stalked compared to the other way around.”

Stalking expert Blaauw also confirms that reports of women who stalk are an exception. “We know very little about that.” He is affiliated with the Hanze University of Applied Sciences Groningen and conducts research into, among other things, stalking. “9 out of 10 people who are stalked are women. A woman who is the perpetrator is relatively rare.”

Women are more likely to be victims, he says, because they are more social and emotional. “Men are often more narcissistic and antisocial than women.”

Gender differences

Blaauw gives the example of breaking up relationships. “Women will say in much friendlier words: ‘I want to break up, let’s take some distance’. That comes across less strongly than when a man says: “This will never happen again.” That clarity often prevents them from being stalked. “

According to Klaas Schakel, women also stalk differently than men. They text, email or call, but are less violent and no or fewer criminal offenses are committed.

In the past thirty years in the police force, he has only seen male stalkers. “They are the only ones who are arrested. Men are much more likely to threaten. If you report it, in practice someone will be arrested quickly.”

Two sides

In the series you see that the main character files a report after six months. That is not particularly long, says Eric Blaauw. “We often see that people say that it does not help to report. Or people judge for themselves that something is annoying, but not punishable.”

It also plays a role that the person being stalked is often in some way related to the stalker. “Or victims have sympathy for the perpetrator. Because in most cases it concerns an ex-partner or an acquaintance. What does it mean for that relationship if you go to the police? That plays a role.”

Rens recognizes that. “It has two sides. On some level I feel sympathy and pity for her. On the other hand, she also drove me completely crazy.”