Tension, excitement and utmost concentration characterize the final exam period. The kick-off is Tuesday. What if the preparation for your exams has been rudely disrupted? Jelmer Wolthers from Onnen knows all about that.
It will be fine.
One of his friends said these four words to Jelmer last February. They hugged each other and spoke for a moment before going their separate ways.
A few days later the friend went back on his words. He said that it was stupid of him to have chosen those words.
Jelmer waved away his excuses. There was nothing wrong with ‘It will be fine’, he thought.
Chef barbecue at the burger party
Jelmer is Jelmer Wolthers, an athletic 18-year-old boy who has been living in Onnen with his parents for a year. He grew up in Haren with his two sisters: Sterre, 24, and Marin, 22.
They have flown out. Sterre graduated last summer in Utrecht and subsequently found a job at the Court of Appeal in Arnhem as a senior judicial lawyer. Marin studies medicine in Rotterdam.
They regularly come home to Onnen, where they stay, eat and talk. Sterre threw her graduation party there this summer, entitled ‘citizen party’, because she was no longer a student but a citizen. And because there were burgers on the menu. Chef barbecue was Jelmer, who met all of his sister’s friends during this party.
‘Then my concentration is gone’
Jelmer is in 6 VWO at the Montessori Lyceum in Groningen. In the fifth year he failed his most difficult subjects, economics and mathematics.
He has chosen the Economics & Society profile, which means that he will take exams in mathematics, Dutch, English, German, Social Sciences, economics and history. He has zero failing grades, has completed the exam training at school and is now seriously preparing for the exams.
Every morning during the May holidays he starts studying at 10 am. After two hours he takes an hour and a half break and then blocks for another two hours. “I made a schedule. Every day I prepare two subjects,” he says.
“Then my concentration is gone,” he says.
He finds distraction in sports. He plays football at Gorecht in Haren and also goes to the gym. And he works at a tapas restaurant in Haren.
The last days of Sterre’s life
Preparing for his exams has lost its naturalness since his sister is no longer there.
“Especially when I’m alone, I think about her. Sometimes I can’t concentrate because I’m thinking about Sterre,” says Jelmer.
And: “I can outline how it went.”
He refers to the last days of Sterre’s life.
Days of hope and despair
On Sunday, February 4, two police officers enter their yard in Onnen. Jelmer is sitting at the kitchen table with his parents and grandparents. The officers ask his parents to sit separately.
A burglary, Jelmer thinks.
His grandmother is not happy about that. It takes a long time for the conversation between the officers and his parents to end. Then Jelmer and his parents immediately drive to Utrecht, to the hospital. Sterre lies there after she had an accident. Her friend is with her.
That day she went shopping by bike. She must have overlooked a car, the car her. After the collision, she hit her head on the sidewalk, causing brain damage.
Who knows, say the experts who operated on her, what peace will bring her. Sterre is in a coma. Uncertain days of hope and despair follow.
She will be 24 years old in those days. Her parents give her a painting as a gift depicting the ice cream counter at Café Friescheveen. Maybe she gets something from it, maybe she hears the music her loved ones play, the words they speak. She dies seven days after the accident.
The last conversation
The perfect sister, just like my other sister, says Jelmer.
“We shared a lot with each other because she understood me in a different way than others. She was an example to me because she found a job so quickly and was a good poet. I was looking forward to that.”
He remembers his last birthday, in November. “Sterre gave me a beer tasting as a gift because I was turning 18.”
He also remembers their last conversation, during her last visit to Onnen. “One of the last things she said to me was that she believed in me, about school and about what makes me happy. That means passing my exam and then studying. That I look forward to.”
School helps
He will study sociology. The subject of Social Sciences suits him, he expects that the study will teach him to view and research society in such a way that he can contribute to the solution of social problems.
He praises his mentor who shows concern for him, offered him help during the test weeks and always gave him the choice. He was allowed to take the exam in a staggered manner, he was allowed to postpone it. He was given control.
His Dutch teacher sometimes just asks at exactly the right moment how things are going. Or it goes.
School helps, says Jelmer. School distracts him from Sterre. Sometimes he catches that she is out of his mind – for a moment, for a football match. “I blame myself for that,” he says.
His parents, his sister, an aunt, friends: they keep him focused, encourage him not to blame himself. Life goes on.
It’s all different
He says: “I’m just going on an exam trip with my friends to Kos this summer.”
He recovers. It’s not normal now that Sterre no longer comes over at Easter, Mother’s Day, whenever.
His father says: “Suddenly it’s all different.”
His mother: “We have to reinvent life without Sterre.”
Sterre who had so many dreams. She wanted to be a mother, she wanted to marry her girlfriend and she had certainly become an enthusiastic and empathetic judge.
‘I have faith in it’
When Jelmer is asked how he is doing, he answers to the best of his knowledge that he is doing well. Even though Sterre is no longer there. “The loss has changed me forever and I will take that with me for the rest of my life. She was six years older than me, all 18 years I’ve been there, she was always there. And now never again.”
It will be fine, that friend said as a consolation to him when he said goodbye to Sterre. When he wanted to apologize for this a few days later, Jelmer looked at him and said there was nothing wrong with his words. “It came from his heart,” says Jelmer.
Then he prepares for the two hours of studying in the afternoon. Maybe he’ll do something tonight. Soon he will be taking his exams in the gym. Exciting, he thinks. And: “I am confident, I am in good shape.”
 from Onnen makes them with Sterre in his head){kind=link}