1. Cyprus: Silia Kapsis – Liar
Verdict: ★★★
Do you know that feeling? You wake up and feel ‘ooh la la’? Silia Kapsis certainly does. But unfortunately, in this epic that tingling feeling is rudely interrupted by a ‘Liar’. And they know what to do with that in Cyprus. The lyrics of this musically almost floating pop song come from the Dutch former professional tennis player Elke Tiel. Her highest place in the world rankings, 888th, is probably just below Silia’s final ranking.
2. Serbia: Theya Dora – Ramonda
★★
This is a song about a plant, Doe Maar would have opened. But certainly not a Dutch weed to broaden the mind for singer Theya Dora. Her flora favorite is the ramonda, which is considered a national symbol in Serbia. A flower that grows even on the most barren soil. And there you have it: the symbolism of the oversized boulder that Theya Dora dragged to Malmö. But will that purple crop really brighten up from this plaintive and rather boring ode?
3. Lithuania: Silvester Belt – Luktelk
★★★
What would the Pet Shop Boys have sounded like if they had not grown up in the vibrant British pop scene of the seventies, but in that of Lithuania just after the departure of the Soviets? Silvester Belt has a good idea of this with this somewhat monotonous, but quickly addictive electro pop. Luktelkt means ‘Wait a minute’ and is about the pause your life is put on when you postpone your coming out. A message that is probably still controversial in Vilnius, for which we pay tribute.
4. Ireland: Bambie Thug – Doomsday Blue
★★
Record champion Johnny Logan must have choked on his Irish coffee when Bambie Thug was named his youngest successor. This non-binary satanic rocker serves up a game of screaming horror that will give even Count Dracula nightmares. There will probably be TV viewers who wish the lovely Eurovision paradise for more of this kind of dark doom rock, but we would rather opt for the end of times.
5. Ukraine: Alyona Alyona & Jerry Heil – Teresa & Maria
★★★
It remains a major tour de force. Putting on a great Eurovision act in a war-ravaged country. Since Putin marched in, Ukraine has finished first and sixth, and a top 10 ranking also seems within reach for this combination of a rapper and a singing YouTuber. Every person, no matter how ordinary, is capable of something special, Alyona and Jerry sing in a hopeful song that evokes memories of Jamala’s winning song 1944 from 2016.
6. Poland: Luna – The Tower
★★★
We like to take the viewer by the hand. For her TheTower has singer Luna slide two oversized rooks across a chessboard. Unfortunately, according to the bookmakers, she will ultimately be checkmated herself. But we are certainly not anti-Poles (padoompats!). The Taylor Swift of the Western Carpathians has a great pop song and emerged from Joost Klein’s dressing up box to find a prenatal version of his costume with padded shoulder pads.
7. Croatia: Baby Lasagna – Rim Tim Tagi Dim
★★★★★
The favorite of the one-person editors of this overview. Baby Lasagna serves Rammstein rock with a Eurovision edge and, amid thundering guitar riffs, deals with the problems of Croatian young people who cannot find work in their own country and leave. We’re not entirely sure of the necessity of Purisic’s folkloric blouse and the knitting over his musicians’ faces, but Rim Tim Tagi Dim as a winner, would be a nice successor to Ding-a-Dong (1975), O-Ba-Ni-Bi (1979) and Diggy-Loo Diggy-Ley (1984).
8. Iceland: Hera Björk – Scared of Heights
★★★
Hey, it’s Hera Björk again. She sang in 2010 – a golden year in the Eurovision annals because of Sienekes Sha-La-Lie – the crowd favorite Je Ne Sais Quoi and at 52 she is back with a new guilty pleasure. We think Björk – no relation – can go straight to the final, but okay, not everyone likes slightly dated 90s kitsch. Nevertheless: a sympathetic artist who, despite her costume act as a singing Ferrero Rocher, immediately gives you everything.
9. Slovenia: Raiven – Veronika
★★
Finally. The classic Eurovision formula: woman in a difficult outfit sings an incomprehensible song full of wild screams. For those whose Slovenian has become rusty, Veronika is the historical story of a woman suspected of witchcraft in the Middle Ages and drowned. That doesn’t immediately sound like family entertainment, of course. Especially when Raiven digs her nails into her wrists. Nevertheless, she can sing.
10. Finland: Windows95man – No Rules!
★
Two participants this year who feel neither man nor woman. Or actually three, because Finnish candidate Teemu Keisteri identifies himself as an expired computer operating system. What exactly Windows95 has to do with the act in which Keisteri first runs across the stage in a thong (warning: an image that is not easy to get off your retina) and then is ordered to put on pants remains a mystery. Nevertheless: direct competitor of Joost Klein in the category ‘completely absurd acts’.
11. Moldova: Natalia Barbu – In the Middle
★★
Wow, Natalia Barbu packs a lot into her three minutes. There is Eastern Bloc poetry (Open your mind/Just like a door), there is traditional yodelling, there is hand clapping and then Natalia also works hard on a violin without a sound box. In short: all excellent. But the outfit sows doubt: either Moldova is a progressive beacon in haute couture or a shashlik restaurant in Chisinau has lost a few tablecloths.
12. Azerbaijan: Fahree ft. Ilkin Dovlatov – Özünlə separate
★★
There are Eurovision entries that die within sight of the harbor due to an unfortunate plumage or a torn dress, but in Azerbaijan things have already gone wrong at the drawing board this year. It is as if the songwriters of this ethnic anthem (Title translation: ‘Take me along’) lost their inspiration after half a minute. The overture is quite nice with its mix of traditional and modern beats, but after that nothing happens at all.
13. Australia: Electric Fields – One Milkali (One Blood)
★★★
The debut of the didgeridoo at the festival? We would all like to read an in-depth interview with the gentleman who brought this gigantic instrument from Down Under to playback on it in Malmö (playing live is not allowed, ed.). Also a novelty: the Anangu language, spoken by a group of original inhabitants of Australia. The cheerful duo Electric Fields brings one of the many nods to the nineties at this edition and thus makes itself vulnerable to premature elimination.
14. Portugal: Iolanda – Grito
★★
Is the Eurovision Song Contest already ripe for a cross between Portuguese fado, Berlin electronica and artistic pantomime? Perhaps a silent majority thinks so, but Iolanda’s intense battle with the faceless devils from her past probably leaves the TV viewer speechless. And that’s not a good sign this time.
15. Luxembourg: Tali – Fighter
★★★
Like a prodigal daughter or son, Luxembourg is being pressed to the breast of the Eurovision family these days. The small country, which nevertheless recorded an impressive five victories, was absent for 31 long years. Unfortunately, it is not possible to bridge the distance from 1993 to the present in one go. Somewhere in the middle was Tali’s Fighter probably been a phenomenal hit. But still: in this lesser of the two semi-finals, qualifying with this melodious French-English interweaving may just be possible.
How does it work on Tuesday evening?
The best ten of the fifteen semi-finalists qualify for Saturday’s final. The outcome is entirely determined by the public. The professional juries only vote in the final battle. On Tuesday evening, only viewers from the fifteen participating countries are allowed to vote. They are supplemented with voters from the Big Five countries Germany and Great Britain and their home country Sweden. The online votes of all countries that do not participate on Tuesday evening are added up to produce a ‘rest of the world result’ that carries the same weight as that of one participating country. The results will be announced just before 11 p.m.
First semi-final. Tuesday evening, 9 p.m., NPO 1.
Legend
1 star: Sieneke Award
2 star: Singing lessons from Mia & Dion
3 star: Bitterballenbreak
4 star: Euphoria!
5 star: Douze points
About the author: pop music and media reporter Stefan Raatgever follows the Eurovision Song Contest closely for Het Parool. Since 2014, he has attended the Eurovision spectacle eight times. This year he reports from Malmö.
How Amsterdam revived the Eurovision Song Contest
They could not believe in 1970 that the Eurovision Song Contest would become so popular. That year the festival was in a major slump and Amsterdam was given the task of breathing new life into it. How did that turn out? And which Amsterdam additions have changed the Eurovision Song Contest?
You’ll hear it in the episode below Amsterdam metropolis.
