The spark that flies between actors. You see it often, such as with Delfina Chaves and Martijn Lakemeier, who play Queen Máxima and King Willem-Alexander in the new Videoland series Maxima. But what makes colleagues fall in love with each other? And is that useful?
“Er zijn heel veel redenen waarom collega’s voor elkaar vallen”, vertelt Muel Kaptein, hoogleraar Bedrijfsethiek en integriteit aan de Erasmus Universiteit. “Je werkt natuurlijk met elkaar en je ziet elkaar veel. Ook moet je soms onder spanning met elkaar werken. Dat kan verbindend zijn.”
De vonk kan ook overslaan als er ruimte is voor uitjes en ontspanning. “Neem bijvoorbeeld de vrijdagmiddagborrel”, zegt psycholoog en relatietherapeut Aerjen Tamminga bij Psyned. “Als er dan alcohol bij komt kijken, is de kans ook groter dat er iets gebeurt.”
Volgens Kaptein zijn collega’s mensen met wie je overeenkomsten hebt. “Het zijn niet zomaar willekeurige mensen, maar mensen met dezelfde opleiding, mensen met dezelfde liefde voor het vak en mensen die mogelijk in de buurt wonen.”
Op de werkvloer zijn er ook veel kansen op verbindingen. “Relaties gaan over verbinding hebben met elkaar”, zegt Tamminga. “Op werk zijn er veel kansen om iemands positieve eigenschappen te leren kennen, samen dingen te overwinnen en steun te hebben aan elkaar. Ook als er privé iets speelt.”
Be cautious about an unequal role
But how useful is a relationship with a colleague? “If it happens, it happens,” says Kaptein. “You cannot stop it. In that case it is important that it is about falling in love and that there is no pressure. When it comes to a hierarchical relationship, for example between an employee and a manager, it is more difficult to keep that relationship purely hold.”
Tamminga also says that it cannot be prevented. “But you can be reluctant. And it is better to avoid it if you have an unequal role. Even if you both have good intentions and think you can handle it well, things can still go wrong later if the relationship is not good unpacks.”
Once you have a relationship with a colleague, Kaptein says it is important to report this and discuss it with your manager. “It can lead to tensions. If a relationship only becomes known after it has broken down, other colleagues may think that that is why the person was so positive about the other person or that is why he got that promotion. One of the colleagues who was in the relationship may also say afterwards that he or she has been put under pressure.”
People who have a relationship with a colleague sometimes wait before announcing it. “Love can blind you,” says Kaptein. “But the longer you keep quiet about it, the greater the barrier becomes. And the greater the risk that others will find out. That can have consequences at work.”
Is that allowed, a relationship at work?
How companies deal with relationships at work varies per organization. “An employer may not prohibit it, because these are private decisions,” says Evert Verhulp, professor of Employment Law at the University of Amsterdam. “But such private decisions can influence the work.”
Although it is not prohibited, an employer does have the right to determine things for employees. “Personnel regulations contain rules about how people should interact with each other,” says Willemijn Roozendaal, professor of Social Law at the Vrije Universiteit Amsterdam. “An employer can indicate that a relationship is being limited.”
It sometimes feels like a ban to people, says Verhulp. “Employers sometimes also say that it is forbidden to enter into a relationship with a subordinate. They cannot prohibit a relationship, but if you get into a relationship with, for example, someone you have to monitor, this can hinder the relationship at work .”
In that case, an employer may check whether the person is allowed to do his work. “And then there may be consequences, such as a transfer,” says Verhulp. “It’s a balancing of interests.”
Even if agreements are included in personnel regulations, the employee can rely on a fundamental right. “In this case it is the protection of private life,” says Roozendaal. “Suppose it comes to court, then you weigh that against each other. Does the employer have a good reason? Conversely, you look at whether the employee has a compelling interest in not adhering to it.”
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