With podcastThey had no idea what awaited them before they ended up in the wonderful world of onesies, messy diapers and lack of sleep. One thing is certain: with a baby in the house, nothing is the same. Joost (37), Bjorn (36) and Arjan (33) talk candidly about fatherhood. Because according to them, that doesn’t happen enough. “What the fuck is all this?”
Damian’s blue eyes explore the editorial floor. Arjan te Bogt (33) looks on with tenderness. He has been ‘daddy’ for three months now. Fatherhood changed his life. Drastic. “I underestimated this horribly,” he admits. He casually waves a hydrophilic cloth (read: burp cloth) over his shoulder.
A warm milk bottle replaced the cold beer on the weekend. Want to work quietly from home? Just leave out that ‘calm’. The morning rush hour in the car? That really means nothing compared to the morning ritual that comes with having a baby. Nothing can be timed anymore. No matter how small and cute, a baby has a mind of its own. No discussion possible.
The very young ‘guest’ on the editorial staff of the Twentsche Courant Tubantia attracts attention. When a little later Joost Dijkgraaf with little Rio and Bjorn Weinreder with daughter Elin walk in, the scene is complete.
Exceptionally, the three journalists are on the newsroom floor with their babies this morning. Usually this revolves around deadlines and publications, but now the full attention goes to their offspring. It’s cute. “I know. There goes my image,” says Arjan.
(Text continues below the first episode)
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Sex after childbirth
The three proud fathers have a goal. They want more openness about ‘the rollercoaster that is young fatherhood’. Because unlike mothers, fathers speak little about their experiences, the journalists believe. While there is plenty to say about it: the men have already experienced plenty of highs, lows, annoyances, dilemmas and embarrassing dad moments.
The fathers erupt. About ‘the irreversible message of the two lines on the pregnancy test’. About the ‘huge thrill’ of the maternity week, expensive baby supplies, paternity leave (the 15 weeks aren’t that bad) and sex after childbirth. “If you Google this, strangely enough you will only find advice for women,” Joost was surprised.
A discussion breaks out when the men talk about showering with the baby for the first time, under the watchful eye of the maternity assistant. “Are you going to wear swimming trunks then? I don’t,” says Joost. “Of course. You’re not going to stand with your bare dick in front of a fifty-plus maternity assistant!?”, Bjorn responds. He takes a lunch box with corn snacks from his bag. Healthy and safe. “They melt in your mouth.” Yes, you also have to think about that as a dad.
‘First’ never to be forgotten
The men experienced their first months as fathers. They discovered that the clichés are true. That a baby feels like a ‘little miracle’. And that things that were previously important in life suddenly make way for a small, dependent person.
“It’s no longer about yourself in life. It’s about your child,” says Bjorn. He and his wife Martine consciously chose parenthood. Because a pregnancy did not occur, they visited a fertility clinic. Martine sent Bjorn a photo of the positive test via WhatsApp, after they had first taken a test together at home. For journalist Bjorn it was a ‘first’ never to be forgotten.
Arjan and his wife Anne experienced how close new life and death are. “Two days before Damian was born, Anne lost her best friend. It was a very strange time. You have to put the grieving aside, because all the emotional attention goes to your son. It still has to find a place,” says Arjan.
To South Africa with a baby
Joost experienced a ‘mix of emotions’ in a different way. In the period before Rio’s birth, he felt joy, but also plenty of uncertainty. Uncertainty about the future. Because what awaited him and his wife Myrthe? Would the baby be the beginning of a civil, decent family life? He feared the worst.
That turned out to be anything but the case. Things were going so well for Rio that the couple left for South Africa with the four-month-old baby. It was an amazing journey. “My parents and parents-in-law didn’t like the fact that we were traveling with such a young baby. We did it anyway. For Rio, it was weeks with the full attention and love of his mom and dad.”
One thing is certain for the three men: fatherhood is full of surprises, peaks and valleys. Arjan: “Your emotions quickly go from a 10 to a 0. When your child laughs, it is a 10. Then there is nothing more beautiful. But when he screeches everything together half an hour later, it feels like a 0. Then you think: what the fuck is this all?”
Are you enthusiastic? Then listen to the first four episodes of the new podcast Bar de Papa below.
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Bar de Papa: (finally) a podcast for fathers
In the new podcast ‘Bar de Papa’, Joost Dijkgraaf (father of Rio), Bjorn Weinreder (father of Elin) and Arjan te Bogt (father of Damian) leave no topic undiscussed when it comes to fatherhood.
TC Tubantia’s fellow journalists dive into the highs and lows, discuss their fears and share the most embarrassing dad blunders. Joost: “We want to offer support to men in the same phase. Maybe they can relate or find some comfort in our struggles.”
Why the name ‘Bar de Papa’? It is a nod to Barbapapa, a well-known cartoon character from their youth, who could become anything.
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