When Dorothee, after a period of ‘it can’t be done’, ended up in a situation of ‘it’s over’, she started writing. She doesn’t have as much money now as she used to, but she feels much richer.
Dorothee Loorbach (46, writer and speaker), mother of Emma (17, from a previous relationship) and Miles (3).
“Thud. Five blue envelopes fell on the mat. Tax assessments; with the request to transfer 20,000 euros as quickly as possible. Yes, I had put the money aside, but that was actually intended to last the coming months. I thought those attacks would have to wait a while. Not so. Even my wallet was so empty that I looked for change among the couch. Because in two days it was my daughter’s birthday – she was twelve – and I had to at least be able to buy a cake. There was nothing between that couch. I was officially broke.
Trainings
I come from the advertising world, where I earned a good living as a copywriter and brand builder; around 10,000 euros per month was very normal. I was also used to spending it quite hard again. But I kept noticing that that world no longer gave me satisfaction. I thought it was too superficial. Especially when my father passed away in 2013, I wondered whether I would like to look back on my deathbed on the life I was now leading. No, was the answer. In 2014, I and two others started a training agency with which we helped starters with mostly free workshops.
Later I continued this on my own, with similar training courses for students and recent college graduates. I was often reminded of how valuable what I did was. But getting paid for it, whatever. I usually received a bottle of wine or an expense allowance. That was because they claimed there was no money or because I didn’t ask. I was fine with it at first and didn’t realize that my piggy bank was starting to dwindle quite a bit. Moreover, constantly postponing paying taxes didn’t really help either.
With the buttocks exposed
And then those blue envelopes arrived. I didn’t know what to do. Not only did I feel like I hadn’t taken good care of myself, but I hadn’t taken care of my child either. Now I couldn’t even celebrate her birthday. What I did then still feels like one of the most embarrassing things of my life. I had to swallow three times and bare my buttocks. On Facebook I posted a video in which I honestly said, “Guys, I’m broke.” Because yes, I was highly educated and no, I did not live under a bridge. But at that moment I didn’t have a penny left and I wanted to do something about it structurally as quickly as possible. This was my plan: I would try to get myself out of financial trouble within a year. And I would make sure I never found myself in this situation again.
I decided to write a book about my search. I mainly sold that book to strangers who had seen my Facebook call go viral. The incredible happened: on the first day I sold 64 books, all the people paid immediately, like a kind of crowdfunding. That was 640 euros in the pocket. That birthday cake for my daughter arrived immediately. I invited her friends to a surprise party with pizza in the park. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders, I had made it in the nick of time. Emma loved it. I had had more money in the past, but this was the richest moment of my life.
Also read – Living in debt on the money: ‘My husband kept throwing money around’ >
Understanding money
For my book, I talked to people who I thought knew about money. I started with Hennie van der Most and Annemarie van Gaal, well-known entrepreneurs who often speak about this subject in the media. They were interesting conversations, but my view on money changed. More and more I began to realize that wealth does not lie in successful business models and literal wealth, but much more in time and attention. What good is a bank account full of money if you don’t have time to play with your child? And if you have a lot of money, why do you have to spend it all again so quickly? For example, I had a fast car in front of the door, but why? It no longer suited me, I quickly exchanged the thing for a smaller, second-hand and more durable one.
In the process I also discovered how much I enjoyed writing. I started doing that more and more. As a speaker I was invited to meetings and there I sold my book again. Everything seemed to come together just like that. I could make a good living, but then corona came. I started writing even more, three books have now been published. And a theater performance.
Time vs money
I don’t care about money anymore. I don’t spend it either. Not to myself and not to my children. I will buy a suit for 500 euros from Joline Jolink – a small, sustainable entrepreneur – but I see that as a deep investment. I live in a small house that I have furnished with second-hand items. I also don’t spend a lot on the children if it is not immediately necessary. Miles almost always wears second-hand clothes and has toys from the thrift store.
When Emma was the same age Miles is now, I spent a lot of money on theme parks, hotel stays, dining out and expensive gifts to compensate for working so hard. For her third birthday she received a princess castle worth four hundred euros, which she played with twice. Miles received a scooter and balloons for his third birthday. He was even happier with the balloons than with the scooter. I go to the forest with the children or we play football or cook together. I used to give Emma my money. I now give Miles, and Emma, my time and full attention. I work a maximum of 28 hours a week for clients and mainly do what is most valuable to me.
Luxury
Regardless of my income that month, I always pay myself a salary of 2,200 euros. I have to earn five thousand euros a month for that and I succeed. I pay my expenses from my salary, I pay off an extra two hundred euros on my mortgage every month and I invest both fixed and variable amounts every month in index funds and crypto. In recent months, around five hundred euros per month were spent on groceries. During the lockdown I bought more luxurious things, such as out-of-season strawberries or meals with relatively expensive ingredients. Now I often choose to first buy the basic items at the budget supermarket and only go to a more luxurious store for what I cannot find there. That makes a difference of twenty to thirty percent.
I had quite a few conversations with Emma about my entire process. When I ask her if she noticed how dire the situation was, she says: ‘I didn’t notice anything. Sometimes there was no money when I wanted something, but isn’t that normal?’ The other day she really wanted to eat sushi with me. I thought that was a bit too expensive. She then asked, “Shall we both pay half?” Last year I was going to take a road trip through the US with Emma. Miles is still too small for that and would be with his father for two weeks. It was canceled due to corona. I deliberately opted for vouchers instead of my money back, so that I knew for sure that Emma and I would go as soon as we could again and that the money would not be spent on other things. I would be happy to pay those few thousand euros, because she is now at an age where she wants to do this with me. I’m incredibly looking forward to it!”
This article was previously published in Kek Mama.
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