The broken nights, all the care tasks and little time for herself: Nora finds it difficult. “Since I became a mother a year ago, I have complained a lot according to my best friends. I find motherhood quite difficult, but they actually think that I should not ‘whine’, because this is what I have chosen, isn’t it? Now I dare I no longer share things with them very well, because I don’t want to be known as negative. And maybe I complain too much. How do I deal with these feelings?”
Therapist and postpartum specialist Tilda Klumpenaar starts by putting things into perspective. “Who decides for you what constitutes too much complaining? You may find motherhood difficult and be honest about it. But if your best friends unanimously indicate this, it may be a sign that you need to do something about it. And especially with the fact that you find parenthood so tough. Why does it feel that way for you? You have to find out. I often see this in my practice with women who have too much on their plate and receive too little support from their partner. Talk discuss this with him or her, because something is wrong here.”
It is therefore important to talk about where this feeling comes from, says Klumpenaar. “Find people with whom you can be honest about this. Also tell your friends that their comments hurt you. You can also turn it around and say that you actually need their help. Discuss together how they could help you to make it less to make it heavy. It takes a village to raise a child.”
“And remember: motherhood is equivalent to 1.5 FTEs. And you do this extra, often in addition to your work and the household. In other words, don’t be too hard on yourself because you sometimes have a hard time.”
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