Women on bangalists tell their story: ‘Boys believed I did those things’ | Domestic

Iris* (23) was on a banga list as a child, in her last year of primary school. Boys had made a list of “the biggest sluts in 8th grade” and spread rumors that Iris had had oral sex. That didn’t make any sense.

“But it did lead to bullying behavior,” says Iris. “I also noticed that boys started to look at me differently. More and more boys started to believe that I did things like that and was open to it.”

Iris was able to put the bullying behind her. But the list did have an effect on her image of sex. “After this, I started to believe that what other people expected of me was more important than what I wanted. I got carried away with that. I found that easier than continuing to go against it.”

“I think the list made me no longer surprised that boys thought and expected all kinds of things from me. I got the idea that I had to be sexually subservient.”

Iris had several unpleasant sexual experiences during her puberty. “I did things that I thought I was fine with at the time. But afterwards I see that I was largely talked into it. The banga list was the start of a very long series of wrong expectations around sex.”

She thinks that the banga list played an important role in this. “There was little talk about the banga list at that time. I didn’t tell my parents about it either, we didn’t talk about sex at home.” It is one of the reasons that Iris does not want her own name in the article.

“I think it would have benefited me a lot if someone had said: what is happening here is not okay. Then I might have had my doubts about advances or proposals from men more quickly.”

Femke* (23) was on a banga list when she was fifteen years old. She was mentioned in a Telegram group, along with thirty other girls from her school. In that group, they were judged based on their bodies and how “easy they were.” They were also described with humiliating texts.

Because Femke’s contact details were shared in the group, she received messages on social media for months. “I was afraid to look at my phone because people were threatening me with rape in the messages.”

Because of the banga list, Femke lost confidence in the boys at school. She thought any boy could have made the list, and that influenced her behavior. “I no longer wanted to be in class when a boy sat next to me.” Ultimately, Femke benefited from therapy. “I didn’t want to let what happened affect my education.”

The event also had an impact outside school. “For example, when I went out in my hometown, I was more reluctant to flirt or initiate contact at all. I didn’t want people to think that anything written in that group was true. Everything that was written there, I had never done before. .”

After high school, Femke managed to put it behind her. “When I went to secondary vocational education, things had already improved considerably.” When she met her current boyfriend, she no longer felt distrust. “Because he was from another province, I knew he couldn’t have had anything to do with this.”

Krista Schram recognizes the distrust of women who have been on a banga list. She is an associate lecturer in Public Trust and Safety at Inholland University of Applied Sciences and has conducted research into the consequences of sexting and exhibiting young people in Rotterdam.

“Such lists invite sexual harassment,” says Schram. “Guys think: that’s a cheap girl. It actually makes you a kind of outlaw.”

“Such a list damages women’s confidence,” says Schram. “Because of the betrayed trust, it is important that women dare to talk about it with someone.” This can be with friends, but there are also agencies you can go to. “It’s important to share it and not just walk around with it.”

*The names of Iris and Femke have been fictitious. Their real names are known to the editors.

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