‘Should I tell my girlfriend that she doesn’t sing very well?’

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Do you have a pressing issue and would you like to hear someone else’s opinion? Subway shares a reader’s dilemma every week. This week: Ilse (24), who doubts whether she should be honest about her friend’s singing qualities.

“I was brought up quite musically myself. My father and mother both play instruments, just like my brother and I. There was always music on in our house and I still enjoy going to concerts. I can’t imagine life without music.

Girlfriend likes to sing

A good friend of mine is also a music fanatic. She also often goes to concerts and, like me, enjoys listening to all kinds of music. She plays the piano quite nicely and sings. And I want to talk about the latter now.

This friend sings very regularly. Behind the piano, in company and nowadays she also steps onto the stage more and more often. She records videos of herself singing and often playing the piano and shares them on her social media channels. And when the opportunity presents itself, she performs. Not professionally, but during some open stages or small-scale events.

She now sometimes writes her own songs and likes to announce to the outside world that she sings. There’s just one small problem… She’s just not that good.

Singing out of tune during performances

This friend sings all kinds of songs. From Adele, Maan, Suzan and Freek, Coldplay, Dua Lipa and so on. I know she used to do submissions for The Voice, but never made it through the preliminary rounds. Every time I listen to her singing skills or attend one of her performances, she is often off the mark. She doesn’t sing out of tune all the time, but it’s just not that good. And not very pleasant to listen to either.

Her immediate environment apparently does not have the same experience. Her other friends and family members continue to insist that she is doing well. But at the same time I also regularly hear, including in the audience during her performances, that other spectators are also critical of her singing skills.

Even in the videos on social media she regularly sings out of tune and out of time. But she doesn’t seem to mind that either, as she regularly continues to post videos of herself.

She invites me to every performance she does. These are often performances that she initiates herself and for which she does not receive any money. Different people often perform there, including this friend.

Dilemma: should I say it honestly?

I must honestly admit that I no longer enjoy attending her performances. I get a kind of secondhand shame when I watch her performances and I also experience that when I see her videos. At the same time, singing is her great passion and I don’t want to damage her self-confidence. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t realize that her singing qualities are not optimal musically. And that those around her are not honest about that either. What would you do with this?”

What do you think Ilse should do? Comment on our Facebook page or via Instagram! The responses will then be published next week.

Last week

Gave last week Subway-readers advice about the dilemma of Wesley (36), who finds the bond with his stepdaughter complicated.

AnnBritt shares her personal experience on this theme: “Experience report. I was 12 when my mother met her second husband. And oh, how I tried so hard to break that up. My parents mostly ignored that behavior. My stepfather interfered to a certain extent with my upbringing and clearly supported my mother in her upbringing. Which was extremely annoying, I was used to being the boss in the house and my mother became stronger towards me.

In the meantime, the feeling that he was my father grew. This is because he held back so much and gave me confidence and security in his calm way. It became more and more obvious. He ended up walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. Until his death, my stepfather was the only man in my life who deserved the name father. I was his youngest daughter, and he was my father. Stay in the background, support the mother in raising her children, fix her bicycle, just do everything a ‘dad’ does without saying much about it. Then a child automatically notices: I can rely on this new man in life, he will help me.”

Nico writes: “I think it is especially important to realize that you are not her father and that your girlfriend as a parent should correct her and not you. She should also not get the feeling that you want to replace her father. She already has a father and you shouldn’t argue with him. In the meantime, you can be kind to your girlfriend, treat her well and not argue about her upbringing. So that her daughter sees that you have good intentions for her mother and do not want to be the boss.

Where necessary, you help her with, for example, fixing a tire or other things without imposing yourself. You don’t have to replace her father. You’re just her mother’s new partner that she needs to get to know. And yes… if you stay in their lives longer and you treat them well, her daughter will probably learn to appreciate you at some point.”

“How did you act when you were a teenager? They are teenagers… And when I think back to myself, I was certainly not easy… Give it some years,” says Michelle.